Borrowing Against The Future
I used to think of time occurring as the past first, then the present, then the future. Turns out this is true only when I view time as a stagnant event. When I view time as a moving event, I realize time occurs in the opposite direction. The future occurs first, then the present, then the past. This means I always live one second at a time, in the present, using one second at a time, borrowed from the future.
The instant I was born, I did not have a past. I only had that present instant and then another and another. Where does each instant/second come from? It comes from the future.
As each future instant is given to me and then used in the present, each one moves into and adds up to become my past. It is always this way. Just because I'm older, doesn't mean my past happened first. If my past is now occurring first, I would be living my life backwards. If I keep thinking my past occurs first I really am living my life backwards because my approach to living is backwards. I'm going about it the wrong way. I am out of order and so is my life because I have time in the wrong order.
Time Soliloquy
My understanding, approach and use of time determines everything. If I look at time in large groups of seconds such as a year or a month or a week or a day or an hour or a minute, I will always think I have another large group of time just waiting for me. I'll fool myself into believing I have a heckuva lot more than I should reasonably expect and more than I can borrow.
Every Time Is The First Time
I've had nearly 1.5 trillion opportunities represented by seconds of time. Yet, there is no deep depository of time called “The Future.” There is no tomorrow. The future contains one second only. Future time is freshly created and is instantly handed to me in the present. Present time is used and instantly handed into the past. Time moves quickly through this short and seemingly nonstop process.
Thank goodness I can't borrow more time than I can use at any given second especially since there are no rollover seconds for later use. There is no do over of time. One second, one shot. There is no saving time. It's here and then it's gone. There is no wasting time. It still matters and has an effect. It still adds up and fills up my past.
Just like empty calories, wasted time might have seemed right or good or necessary then, but I received no nourishment and am ultimately left with a past full of time but a nagging, empty feeling I can't stomach. This miserable feeling is so strong it stays in the front of my memory. From there it can easily creep from the past into the present leaving me unable to concentrate on each new, start over second I have.
This can stop happening in an instant. Each time I get a brand new, unmessed up second, I can help make it different, very different. A one second future is more powerful than every second in the past.
