Back to school time is over. All students, teachers and administrators should be settled in. Even so, there's still one more thing to address after the initial paperwork push: an Evil Eye Education.
Since educators swear by the importance of parental involvement, before any schoolchild has a chance to not do the right thing, a note should be included in the first school communication.
Parents and educational partners, please make sure your child receives their required Evil Eye Education each week. This is just as important as ensuring your child eats breakfast, gets sleep, has school supplies and does homework. We can reinforce your evil eye but cannot establish it. An Evil Eye Education begins at home. Please purchase a bumper sticker to show solidarity. They can be personalized.
What is an Evil Eye Education? A parental look that teaches a child to stop or not engage in inappropriate behavior without the parent saying a word. It is based on the ancient art of craziness. Your child must think, believe and know you will do anything at any moment no matter where you are and with whatever resources are available.
It is supported with follow-through and consequences that should be developed in stages. This is why it's important to start young enough, at the onset of the terrible twos, so they won't remember exactly what makes you crazy, but will remember that something ain't right with you when they act out.
Once the evil eye is properly established, it allows you to continue doing what you were doing and at the same time, communicate with your child, secretly. When you're not around a well-established evil eye becomes a hologram that
An Evil Eye Education is a weapon of wisdom and love. It is a global parental language. Properly placed, it protects children by extending the look's power to neighbors, teachers and adults everywhere. Big Brother watching is a joke compared to the evil eye.
To ensure students get the most from their formal education, each parent should be required to present certification they are an Evil Eye Expert before enrolling their child in school. Why not? We need licenses for everything, except parenting.
Evil eyes, a back hand or two and an old funky floppy house shoe laid the foundation for learning and helped develop my peripheral vision. All great football running backs and anyone under the constant threat of getting hit upside the head know what I'm talking about. If the Evil Eye doesn't work for some children, there's always the Fear of God. I am all the better or messed up because I had both.
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Reminder: The Evil Eye is a silent weapon based on telepathy and the fact it leaves no evidence of intent or threat. Just focus your thoughts, stare and your child will look at you. Then slowly shake your head or motion them to come here. If you mouth words, they will mouth back, “What?” likely causing you to go remedial - a place where education is truly in the eye of the beholder.
